When is brutal honesty okay?
with your spouse? best friend? siblings? fellow bloggers?
Do people *really* want to hear THE TRUTH?
Don't we all really know the truth most of the time anyway? If we are overweight, we know it. If we've fallen off the diet wagon, we know it. If we are dating a loser, we know it. If we are spending money out of control, we know it. You get my point.
Does it help to bring "it" to people's attention?
I am very sensitive about my weight. I can't help it. I have to tell my husband not to remind me about my workouts b/c I think he is telling me to workout b/c I'm fat. I KNOW...it's crazy. He has never complained about my size. Even at my heaviest. I know I am just ultra-sensitive. I've warned him. He's very aware and cautious! It never helped me when my mother-in-law kindly brought my overweight-ness to my attention. I never appreciated her brutal honesty. Of course, she never did it in a kind way either (in my opinion).
I guess there is a right way and a wrong way to be brutally honest!!!??
I am not sensitive about work. I like constructive criticism. I want to get better at what I do. Fire away with your honesty in that department.
How do we know when to tell people what we really think?
My friend Cindy has completely fallen off the diet wagon. I mean...fallen off!!! I'm not sayin a word!
My sister is dating a loser. I'm not sayin a word!
I avoid confrontation at ALL COSTS.
Do you believe in brutal honesty?
Tell me about your experiences...
J
I don't know the answer. My first reaction is only if it's asked for.
ReplyDeleteMy first thought is to refrain from being brutally honest unless it comes to a point that the situation will bring harm to the person in a way you'd never forgive yourself for not saying something sooner if it could've prevented it.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who has fallen off the weight loss wagon and she knows it, but I don't say anything. It has to be her decision to get back on and take care of her health. Now she's not at major health risks, but her son is getting close and I still think I'll keep out of it. If after the doctor telling him and the mom (my friend) that he needs to lose some weight and they still aren't taking care of it no brutal honesty from me is going to change things.
That being said, I had a friend who married ten months after the death of her first husband. She had told me she was going to wait at least a year to start dating, etc. etc. I was shocked when she and 2nd husband started dating, but never said anything. It turned out to be a not-so-good four years of marriage that ended when she found out some bad things he was doing online with minors and divorced him quickly. Looking back I wish I had said something. Even if she wouldn't have listened she would've known that I was thinking of her best interest and I would've known that I tried to help her.
These are not easy decisions to make. I still think brutal honesty is good in the right time and place and when given in the right manner. Just be careful because it may not be taken well and once you've said it you can't take it back.
Sorry for long comment...you kind of asked and those are my most important experiences on both sides of the story I think. Good luck!
I don't think I do. I think I kinda tell people what they want to hear, with a little hint of truth squeezed in there.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm brutal. I'm honest. With kindness. lol.... is that possible? I'm kindnessly honest. I'm making up words. Mind you, with things like people falling off the diet wagon, or friends dating losers, I don't go there. They're in control of their lives. If they ask me my opinion I may give it (nicely) but yanno... they don't ask.
ReplyDeleteIt varies, really. I have a friend who's daughter is borderline insulin resistant. She was supposed to be following a diet plan to help her with her health (She's also very overweight), but when I see the girl (IE - she's at my house eating), I see what she eats, and how much, and I am totally shocked.
ReplyDeleteI try to time the talk right - I brought something to my friend's attention about the amount of food her daughter was eating in a non-combative way. (It didn't help)
I guess it depends on your relationship with the person.
Nope, not brutally honest :)
ReplyDeleteNot, not brutally honest here either. I think you have to be super close to someone to be brutally honest, right? And then, you risk hurting someone's feelings....ahhhhhh! This is a hard one!
ReplyDeleteI don't think many occasions call for brutal honesty. It's brutal, ya know? Who wants to be brutal, or be the recipient of brutal?
ReplyDeleteAnd I am totally with you on not addressing the topics you mention as your examples. Um, no. ? Of course you can turn it around and think about how YOU would react or feel, how productive would it have been for YOU to be the recipient of brutal honesty? For me, it would, oh wait, it HAS, pretty much damaged a friendship. Not someone I hung out with, but a friend at my work, we had a nice relationship. This person mentioned my weight in a ..mmm.. kind of 'light' way, but ouch, y'know? And then I avoided them. It was of no constructive use or anything. And just as you said, "If we are overweight, we know it.
Other than that NOBODY had ever mentioned my weight gain to me; not parents, spouse, children, etc. And I didn't need them to. ! It would just be words you would never, ever forget. And now something has clicked for me on my own and I am working at it. But I think it is probably rather rare that someone mentioning such topics would actually have a postive/benficial outcome.
So proud of you for all your hard work.
Chrissy
I think there is a time and place for being brutally honest.
ReplyDeleteIf by doing so you are likely to really hurt someone's feeling, then I say lie!
If by doing so you are likely to save someone from hurt or harm, then be honest.
It is that simple to me.
There is brutally honest and then there is just being a witch. Your MIL .... not brutally honest. in my opinion!
ReplyDeleteI learned this a long time ago - DO NOT ASK A QUESTION YOU DO NOT WANT THE ANSWER TO! If I ask someone something - I want brutal honesty.
I am really asking . I completely understand what you are saying about your husband "reminding" you. You didn't forget.
Now, if I don't ask , that is different.
Greta post,
Have a pretty day!
Kristin