Coming Clean

Here I am...

I need to come clean. I have been on an Emotional Eating Roller Coaster. That's the only way to explain it. I weigh 179. I have held my weigh there...I don't know how, really. It is a miracle of some sort. I have told myself I WILL NOT go back to the 180s but I haven't resumed healthy eats. Well, today I am coming clean with you---my support group.

I have been stressed out. Lots of things. I could list them all, but does it matter??? No. I knew the whole time that I was emotional eating. I knew it. I also knew it wasn't helping. I was just eating to fill some hole up...but I continued to feel stressed. I am ready for my restart.

Here we go.

I hope no one was worried. I know when I used to get frustrated when people would just up and quit blogging for awhile. I would worry about them. I'm sorry. I just was too embarassed to say that I was struggling. Even though I know it happens.

I'm ready to get back on the plan.

J

The ABC's of ME!

Something fun for today...feel free to play along!


(A) Age: 36 (How and when did this happen!)

(B) Bed Size: King

(C) Chore You Hate: Getting ready for the housekeeper to come! Oh, I crack myself up! No, I really don't like putting laundry away. I'm good with washing, drying, and folding. Not so good with putting it away...
(D) Dogs? No, we have an asthmatic child who desperately wants a dog!
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: My husband waking me up with a hug and a cup of coffee in his hand for me. Awww...I'm spoiled and know it!
(F) Favorite Color: Yellow--although I rarely wear it or decorate with it. It is just a happy color!

(G) Gold or Silver? Silver

(H) Height: 5’7″ (at least)

(I) Instruments You Play: piano (Not really that good with my left hand though)
(J) Job Title: Mom, Wife, Teacher
(K) Kids: 2 girls
(L) Live: Georgia
(M) Mom’s Name: Nana
(N) Nicknames: J

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays?  Too many to list!!!!
(P) Pet Peeve: People who don't follow the "rules"
(Q) Quote from a Movie: "I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl." Pretty Woman (That's the only thing I could think of)
(R) Right or Left Handed? Right

(S) Siblings: 2 sisters
(T) Time You Wake Up: 5am on the weekdays...as late as my kids let me on Saturday, and 7am on Sunday

(U) Underwear: How do I answer this? Yes! I like pretty ones...
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: brussel sprouts
(W) What Makes You Run Late: my kids dressing American Girl dolls instead of themselves
(X) X-Rays You’ve Had Done: teeth,  foot, arm, leg
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Spaghetti, Broccoli/Chicken Casserole, Shrimp Dip, Meatballs, Taco Ring, Dried Beef Dip, Nieman Marcus Bars, Peanut Butter Cookies...ummm...do you see why I have a weight problem???

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Monkey

Have a fun day!!!!!!!!!
J

The Dumps

Boy, I have spent the past two week down in the dumps. I mean, really down. I think it all started around the time that my grandfather passed, but I just haven't pulled myself back up. I'm really at peace with my grandfather's passing...it was time. I'm not sure what it is. I've been busy, PMS, and a little stressed by other things going on.

I even took a few days off from Weight Watchers. If you have been following me since January, you know this is a first for me! I just didn't have the energy to deal with WW. Why? I can't really tell you.

Friday night, I decided I had had enough! I was reading a few blogs and stumbled upon Keelie's blog, Real Fat. This entry "Waiting for the Upswing" was the perfect thing for me to read that day. I really feel like the Lord led me to this blog! I have been in a downswing...but it is time to put an end to all this nonsense. Time for the upswing!

This is how Keelie defines the upswings and the downswings...

The upswing--everything is going smoothly, the drive is there,

 the effort is there, the planning is there...

to take a term from the book I am reading--

the "want to" is there. You are IN. THE. ZONE.

The downswing-- cravings are in full force,

the couch looks much better than the tennis shoes,

the food prep and planning is not top on the priority list

and the "want to" is kind of asleep...hibernating. BLAH.

Keelie worded it perfectly for me. Being in the upswing is nice, but you have to accept that the downswings will come...BUT the good news is you will come back to the upswings! The time has come to stop MY downswing. Get out of the dumps. I have to defend my hard work as Keelie so eloquently said!

So...I'm back. I did not lose weight this week. No shocker there. But, I am back. I will blog more consistently. I will exercise at least 4 days this week. I will count my points daily! I'm on my way to the 160s for sure!

Go check out Keelie's blog to get inspired. It helped me very much. Thanks, Keelie!

Talk again soon,

J

Sunshine...

Today, we rode around in our boat on the lake. In the sunshine. Ahhhhhh...it was so nice. Perfect, really. I truly needed it.

The three most special people in my life (husband and two kids) were fishing and playing around and I reclined on the seat and let the sun shine on my face. Perfect.

My monthly visitor stopped by yesterday. PMS isn't my friend lately. When has she ever been, right? But recently it's worse. Is that age or what? I feel really lousy when she hits and my mood takes a dive...a low dive. I know it, but I really can't control it. To be honest, I only wanted to lay around in the bed all day. But, my husband encouraged me to come out with them today. And, I'm really glad I did. For a couple of hours, I forgot about the cramps, bloating, and cravings!

It is a perfect weather day. A perfect day to go out and enjoy God's world. I am very thankful for today.

I weighed in at 175 yesterday (even with the visitor)! I'll take it!

I didn't run very much this week so I am hoping to get back to that at least 4 times this week.

Does anyone have a favorite healthy cracker that you recommend?

Hope you have sunshine today, too!
J

Praying

Just praying for everyone who suffered from the earthquake/tsunami today...
J

Guess What!!!

I snapped out of my pity party today! Wow, it has been a tough couple of weeks! Sad, busy, overwhelming...lots of family stuff. Helping my mom with her mom. And, I'm PMS...not a good combination!

But guess what.... I weighed 175.2 today! For some reason, I was so happy to see that 5! It made me think that the 160s are close! I'm working hard to get there! I can't wait!

Today, I was telling an overweight woman at work today about Weight Watchers and what it has meant to me.

She commented that she could really tell I was losing weight. She asked, how are you doing it? I answered with Dawne's line "Eating less, and moving more." Then she asked, "But are you using a plan?"

I told her WW.

She said, "oh, I joined but I never tracked my food or logged on." I was torn...should I say "well, you have to do the work to see results" or encourage her try again??? I mean, that was me before now. I always made excuses!

I just told her what had helped me. Logging my daily points. Learning how to measure food...I had no CLUE about portions, discovering moderation (key!), and exercise.

Maybe it helped.

I'm happy with 175.2 today. Hope Friday...is lower.

J

Not Enough Land

Have you ever been there?

I used to take extended vacations at this not so lovely place of "Not Enough Land."

I wasn't thin enough to:

• wear sleeveless shirts
• swim in public with my children
• wear shorts (longer ones) in 100* weather
• wear cute summer dresses
• dance in front of others
• draw attention to myself
• wear fashionable clothes
• walk proudly alongside my two sisters
• see people that I haven't seen in awhile
• stand up for myself
• try new things
• walk in front of a large group of people
• try on clothes at stores
• step on the scale with confidence at the doctor's office
• enjoy a girls vacation to the beach with my friends
• spend money on my clothes

I could probably make the list a lot longer if I had time to sit and think!

I see how much my self-worth was tied to my weight. I wish so much that it wasn't true. I wish that I wasn't insecure. I wish I knew I was valued by others regardless of my weight. Why did I let something have such control over me? Why didn't I take control of IT sooner if bothered me so much?

Does this make me vain? Why do I care so much about these extra pounds? Why have I let my weight have such influence over most decisions I make?

I am starting to feel better, and I am confident this summer will be more fun than last. I do swim, boat, ski with my family...just not in front of guests. I am thinking a lot is about to change about me.

I'm done visiting Not Enough Land.

I am enough. JUST AS ME.

You are too,
J

My First Slip

I slipped. It was my first slip since I had my restart on Dec. 31. It was a mini-binge I am sad to report.

My husband is out of town. It was a long, difficult week. I put the girls to bed. And, I tried to eat away some stress...and down it with a (get ready...) DIET COKE!!! My first one since Dec. 31. Argh.

My binge consisted of 2 brownies, 1 fried chicken strip, 2 chocolate truffles and a Diet Coke.

This was all around 9 pm. Much too late to be eating!!! Way too many calories!!! Way over my daily points allowance. But, I stayed under my plus points for the week. I've never used those before. ugh....

I knew I would regret it. But I have to be honest --that Diet Coke tasted SO GOOD, you guys! I enjoyed every sip. The food not so much. I knew I was emotional eating. I still ate it.

I woke up this morning disappointed with myself. BUT...ready to move on. I exercised. I've eaten well today. It was a blip on my screen. I forced myself not to weigh....why focus on that slip? I will weigh on Friday because that is my normal weigh in day.


A good night's sleep was much more beneficial to me. I am feeling better. I know better than to try and use food to make me feel better. At least it was minor damage. In the old days, I could've out eaten anyone, I'm sure. Yikes!

In the future, I hope to remember last night and how I felt afterwards. Overeating doesn't help anything! Not how I feel now, not meeting my goals, and it certainly did not take away the stressful problems.

Moving on...

Here's to a good week....

Healthy eats and water drinking!!!
J

Life

 Life happens. The way you live your life is very important. Sometimes you have to help others. Sometimes people need you. Sometimes things make you very, very busy.

This week my life got in the way of my weight loss efforts. I was counting points, but not exercsing much. NO TIME. This happens, right?

Two weeks ago my grandfather was put in hospice. He passed away on Saturday. The funeral was Wednesday. I have spent hours and hours on the road driving back and forth to my grandmother's house and to the hospice. Many hours sitting beside a hospital bed holding a hand. (All those posts this week, were pre-written.) My family needed me. I needed them.

My poor grandmother.

I feel comfort for my grandfather. His quality of life was not good. He would not have wanted to live like he was living. I know he is healed in Heaven now and that comforts me. But, my grandmother was married to him for 66 years and made very few decisions. They were the generation where the husband ruled the home... She is lost. She is an angel. One of my favorite people of all time.

The poem "The Dash" was read at his funeral...

The Dash

by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on her tombstone
 from the beginning to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,

but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
 that she spent alive on earth

and now only those who loved her
 know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars, the house, the cash,

what matters is how we live and love
 and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
 are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left
 that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real

and always try to understand
 the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
 and show appreciation more

and love the people in our lives
 like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
 and more often wear a smile,

remembering that this special dash
 might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
 with your life’s actions to rehash

would you be proud of the things they say
 about how you spent your dash?

© 1996 Linda Ellis

I like that a lot. I hope you do, too.  He was a special man. I have very special memories, and I feel blessed that my children knew their great-grandfather. His dash was awesome. His life was filled with love.

****************************

In not so important news, I weighed in today. 176.2. I lost one pound. I seem to be on a steady pace of one pound a week. I know, I know...that's good, but I am going to try to lose more than that this week. I would like to pick up the pace a bit again. I like to see good (faster) results.

Have a great weekend.

Hug your loved ones,
J

Comments and Followers

Do you get excited when someone leaves you a comment on a post you've written?

I do.

Do you love it when you log on and see you have a new follower?

I do.

One day, I logged on and I had lost a follower. It bothered me. Did I offend this person? Was I annoying? What happened that made him/her leave? I am a pleaser afterall.

I wish I could figure out who my newest follower is (anyone know if there is a way to do this?). I love to try to find new followers on my sidebar and leave them a comment if I am able.

I also LOVE comments!!! I like to know what you think about what I'm saying. I love it when "we" relate to one another. I love to hear about your experiences--what works for you, what doesn't work for you, your advice, your encouragement.

I try to leave comments for those that leave me one, too. Do you do this?

Isn't it awesome how you can feel a connection with a person just through blogging...never having met? People that you look forward to hearing from and reading their blogs.

I love that!

Blogger Friends.

Friends I never would have made if I didn't start this experience.

So, thank you! Thank you for following me and reading my posts. Thank you for responding to me...for making me feel like it matters.

You are helping me!

J

Holy Cow?

Do you eat or drink a lot of dairy?

I don't.

I know I should consume more dairy products. There is some research that says eating dairy helps you lose weight. You know, those ads that say "Got Milk?"...don't they say something like that?  BUT, I just can't get into it.

I like yogurt. That's about it.

I will have skim milk if I eat cereal, but I rarely do. To eat cereal, you actually have to sit down with a bowl to eat it. I just don't have that kind of time in the mornings. Getting all 3 of us out of the house by 6:30 is hard enough without sitting down for a meal! I usually take a yogurt or something to go. (My sweet hubs cuts me up a grapefruit every morning and fixes my coffee...awww. So, I usually eat something to go with my fruit. I'll post about my favorite WW breakfast later.)

Oh, I put a little skim milk in my coffee in the morning, but that is basically it. Does that even count?

Of course, I love cheese! Um, not eating so much of that nowadays...too many points and all. Only in moderation!

What do you think of dairy? Should I make a conscious effort to include more in my diet?

J

Oatmeal...not so much

I've been trying *new* foods. Can you believe I have never eaten oatmeal!!! Well, that is until a few days ago.

Ummm, not so much. I did not like it.

I wanted to like it. I know it is a healthy choice for breakfast. I tried adding raisins. Tried cranberries. Tried brown sugar. Tried cinnamon.

Nope. Nope, and Nope!

I think it is the texture. Just couldn't do it.

I'll just stick with the things I enjoy for breakfast, I guess.

Do you like oatmeal???

J