Royal Watching

I just love watching Royal Weddings. Did you check it out yesterday?

I still remember seeing Fergie and Andrew get married, and maybe I remember a little bit of Diana and Charles' wedding...I was young. But of course, over the years, I've seen tons of footage.

I like the story of William and Kate. I thought she looked beautiful. I was oh, so envious of her slim form in her wedding dress, and did you see her sister, Pippa??!!! Beautiful!!! I think those kinds of bodies are 90% good genes...well, I'll keep telling myself that to make me feel better!

Do you have body envy of anyone? Who?

Bandaid Food

I am learning to recognize when I want food for reasons *other* than hunger. It's a good first step in the right direction. Stopping emotional eating.

Sometimes, I am successful....other times, I fail miserably!

I know that for years...long time...I have been using food as my bandaid.

I eat when I am...

upset
nervous
happy
angry
sad
excited
celebrating
lonely
stressed
socializing

etc, etc, etc...

If my husband and I have one of our rare arguments, uh- I mean "discussions"...the first thing I want to do is PIG OUT.

If my mother-in-law makes a "weighty" comment...I just want to eat and show her who's boss!

If I reach some kind of goal or something like that, I want to eat as a reward.

When I have a girls' night out (rare), we eat, eat, and eat more.

Tonight I am stressed and look what happened...

These little Reese's pieces! In a cute carrot wrapper. In case you haven't enjoyed these little pieces of glory...like M&M's but with peanut butter!!! Yum!

We are right in the middle of our HUGE home renovation project...lots of work, lots of money. A little gamble on our parts, really. Although I trust that the Lord will take care of us as always, I am a worrier. (I'm working on that too!)  So, I have eaten 3 handfuls of these treats! Oh, my!

Get out of here emotional eating! UGH...

Onto another battle tomorrow~
J

Starting Small

I'm trying to start taking care of all of me. It's very hard for me to do this because of the dreaded MOM GUILT. You know it. We all feel it. The guilt that comes from taking time alone at the expense of time spent with husbands and children.

 I know, I know.

I need the time alone in order to be a good mother, wife, and teacher. But sometimes...it is just so hard to do.

I swear, I can find something wrong with all of me. Every single part...down to my pinky toe. I wouldn't treat ANY other person to this kind of scruntiny. Why in the world am I so hard on me???

I know...it's a tough code to crack.

Now, don't go thinking I'm a downer all.the.time. I'm really not. And, I never really talk negative about me...okay, sometimes I crack a joke or two at my own expense. But, it's not overdone.

I have seen other bloggers try to list the things they do like about themselves. I decided I would try that...

Ummm, it didn't go so well. I couldn't come up with ONE thing I was willing to publically say I LIKE about me! Sad! I know!!!

I decided to go with my hands first. I mean, my hands are so very useful to me. They are the hands that held my sweet husband's hands when we got married, the same hands I hold as often as possible. My husband always says, "you've got great hands"...  I need to be more appreciative of them! They are the hands that held my precious girls oh so many times. They help me fix their boo-boos, tuck them in at night, brush their hair, pray with them...on and on.  My hands help me cook, teach, and take care of all the things I do to take care of my loved ones.

BUT, I couldn't grow pretty nails to save my life. My nails are all peely, flakey, flimsy. So, I decided to take matters seriously. I started using a gel polish. Look how my nails have gone from nubs to kinda pretty! I even went and got  a french manicure...my very first one (well, on natural nails--I went through an acrylic nail phase a LONG time ago).

See, they've grown and look so much better. I'm not a "really long" nail person. This is just about right for me, maybe a little more but not much.

So...I'm starting with the hands. Improvement? check!

I'll move on to some other part in a few days.

Starting small,
J

Happy Easter!

“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

John 3:16

The Living Cross

(created by children where I work)

Let's Celebrate

Have you ever noticed how much "we" celebrate with food?

Birthdays, anniversaries, babies, weddings, a good report card, date nights, winning a tournament, running a race, softball games, church functions, ....meeting goal weight. Okay, so maybe the last one is just me, but isn't it ironic.

Growing up, my family celebrated EVERY occassion with food, and I have to say I maintained that tradition with my own family.

I want to try to learn how to celebrate in other ways...Any ideas???

I've tried to start celebrating milestones in my weight loss journey with pedicures, new shoes, a new shirt, etc.

I've started taking my girls to get their nails painted, see a movie, or to buy something at Claire's when they have something worthy of a treat. But it is common for them to ask for a milkshake. Good report cards are usually met by a request to visit their favorite restauarant. Am I setting them up to eat emotionally?

I'd love to know how you feel about this subject.
J

Are We There Yet?

We recently took a vacation...about a 7.5 hour drive. That's the furthest my kids have been on a road trip. Of course, they are normal children so they asked "Are we there yet?" about a hundred times. I was thinking about how funny that is...all kids do it, right?

But it also go me to thinking about myself. I have been so focused on the end of my journey rather than the steps I am taking to get there. It's like I am saying "Am I to my goal weight yet?" a hundred times a week. I just want to be there so badly...just like kids going on a fun trip. I want that destination.

I tell my own children and my students that Patience is not just waiting. Patience is having a good attitude while you wait.  I haven't applied this to weight loss recently. I need to embrace this journey. Embrace the small victories daily. Saying no to 3 cookies at lunch, saying no to peach cobbler, saying no to soft drinks, relishing in my pants getting too big, loving a good sweat during my run...those are the little places to celebrate along this trip. I'm going to try to focus on the small stuff and quit worrying so much about WHEN I will get there. I'll get there when I get there, right?

Remind me to reread this post when I frustrated with the waiting...

:)
J

Peer Pressure

I was never one to give into peer pressure. Never one to do something just because everyone else was doing it. I was a very responsible high school and college student. Not perfect, but very good most of the time.

I wasn't big on the partying that took place all around me. As insecure as I am about my weight, I could be around those who were drinking, smoking and having sex ...and still not do it. I never felt that kind of peer pressure.

However, I fell victim to peer pressure the other day...PEACH COBBLER. Several people at school know I am on Weight Watchers. As we sat down at a Teacher Appreciation celebration, my friends were raving about this peach cobbler made just.for.us. They would take bites and close their eyes in the deliciousness of the sweetness. Pretty soon, they were begging me to try it. I caved. One bite led to an entire serving. It was so good, but I regretted it instantly. Not because I can never have peach cobbler. Of course, I can in moderation. I regretted it because I didn't want it. I wasn't even hungry. I had my points set for the day. The cobbler pushed me over my count. I usually try to plan for those things. I have to learn that I am going to be in social situations where people will offer me goodies. My weight loss is not a big deal to them, but it is very important to me.

I have to keep that in the forefront of my mind...

Just say no,
J

High School

I wasn't the most popular girl in high school nor the least. I was definitely part of the "in" crowd, but I was also in a show choir and AP classes. Hence, I had a very diverse group of friends. BUT, I always felt a little different...older than them might be the best way to say it. I've posted on this before...being an old soul. I think it comes from surviving a near fatal injury. To be honest, I'm not really sure. I just never felt as free, or carefree, as my friends. I was aware of a much bigger picture, I guess you could say.

I struggled with my weight back then, too. Nothing like I do now. I guess I fought 15 pounds here and there. My senior year, I ate fat-free jello pudding and a baggie of pretzels every day for 2 meals for a very long time. Border line eating disorder? maybe.

I was definitely insecure. Trying not to be.

Where am I going with this?

Today, I had to walk over to the high school on our campus. As I was walking down the hall, the bell rang. Out poured all of the students to change classes. All at once, I was back in high school. I swear it was like a time warp. Those feelings of insecurity and worrying about what other kids think of me came rushing back. It was weird. I was worried about my appearance on a hallway full of teenagers!!!!

Where do these feelings come from? Will they ever go away?

I wasn't really worried about those kids (but I am glad I teach little ones). But, I instantly remembered those feelings and it wasn't  good. At times, those same feelings creep up...in social situations.

I'm eager to begin loving me...no matter what. Maybe it will happen when I grow up! :)

Eating well,
J

The Delete Button

Will I ever be at a weight where I like pictures of myself????

We just returned from vacation...a lovely, lovely trip. I took hundreds of pictures. I was in maybe 25 or so of them. Guess what? I have almost deleted all of them. ALMOST.EVERY.ONE.

Will my kids even realize I was on the trip??? In each one, my eyes went straight to me. Immediately, I found every *bad* thing about me. Delete. Delete. Delete.

I don't give anyone else this option. I think pictures of everyone else are great.  I love candid shots of my loved ones...why can't I be satisfied with me??? What weight will I like my picture?

Isn't this sad! I know it! I can't stop critical self.

How does one truly begin to love herself? I know, I know....I can spout off all the things you are probably going to write to me. I believe those things too. God created me. I should love myself. I know all of the right things...I am still so critical. I MUST work on this!

I want my kids to have the pictures of our memories to enjoy later. I'm going to try to avoid the delete button in the future...

CHEESE,
J

Gallbladder and Weight

I weighed 175.8 today. I was very happy with that. Just a little over a week ago I was 179. I've lost since I stopped the binge...go figure!. I have one more pound to go to get back to my lowest 174.8. I feel back in control. Here we go....again. At least I didn't totally lose control and give up as I have done so many times.

We went to Disney World over Spring Break. It was fun and I kept my eating in moderation with a few indulgences...it was vacation after all!!! I'm sure my loss was due to tons of walking...there was NO TIME to run. That's the kind of vacation you need a vacation from! Busy, busy, busy!!! We were on the go from sun-up to sundown!!! Truly!

However, I got sick on the last night and began to vomit. I threw up 3 times. I was then met by intense pain in my back. And, I began belching like crazy. I had a gallbladder attack (that was MUCH worse) about 10 years ago. I'm beginning to wonder if this was gallbladder problems again. I didn't eat spicy food, but I did eat a "rich" Polynesian meal with a glass of wine the night before. I very rarely drink alcohol...probably less than 5 times a year and never more than one glass. Has anyone else ever had gallbladder problems and can give me advice? If my back pain continues, I'll probably see my doctor on Monday. It's pretty bad.

One other bad habit that came back was drinking Diet Coke. Now, I know they are zero points on WW. And some of you feel that I should just drink it, but to me...it leads to 1, 2, 3, then 8 DC's a day. It gets out of control. So yesterday, I went back on the water only drinking plan. Well, I have to have one coffee in the morning, but after that...only H2O.

Now that my eating is under control and I'm drinking water...I need to up my running again. I plan to post my mileage b/c that really helped me last time.

I want to be under 170 by the end of April. Is this doable? I guess we will see!

Here I go!
J

New faves...

I have fallen in love with these new (to me) items...

source

These are 6 points on WW. I have had one almost every morning...mmmm. I heat it up while I am loading my girls in the mornings. Then, I come back inside and take it with my coffee and eat on the way to work. It has become my perfect solution for a quick and easy breakfast on the go on school mornings. Delish.

source

I love a wedge of this creamy cheese on Wheat Thin crackers. It is a low in points snack or great with a salad for lunch.

Do you have any favorite new snacks or foods you like?

J

It won't work, if you don't work it...

When I derailed my train over the past two weeks, I also had this amazing a-ha moment...

wait for it...

my "program" won't work for me, if I don't work for it!

meaning, if I don't count points--I blow through my healthy lifestyle. I overeat. I don't eat in moderation. I have no self-control. When I blow it, even one little meal, I tend to throw in the towel for the day. I know, it makes no sense! But, that is my pattern. I have got to learn, this doesn't work for me, or for anyone.

meaning, if I don't work my body: a) I don't feel good, b) stress consumes me, c) I don't help myself lose more weight, d) I don't tone, and e) feeling more and more miserable usually makes me eat and eat more. But when I exercise, it gives me even more motivation to stay on course. So, I've got to work out. Work it!

meaning, I have to hold myself accountable consistently to you. I have chosen this forum to help me in this journey. I cannot hide from you. I have to be honest about the good time and the bad times. My highs and my lows. My times of strength and my times of weakness. This swing is inevitable, and it is perfectly okay. I do not have to be perfect. There was only one perfect person to walk the earth: Jesus. So, the sooner I believe it is okay to slip, get up quickly, admit to it, and move on, the better off I will be.

Thanks for listening,
J

Binge

Here is what I have always known but I relearned during my emotional eating:

Diet Coke still leaves me feeling bloated.

Nothing quenches thirst like water.

Greasy food gives me indigestion, makes my face break out, and causes my digestive system problems.

When I make healthy choices, I feel good and have lots of energy.

I am a grump when I gain weight.

I don't sleep well when I don't eat well.

I hate it when my pants feel tight.

I don't like feeling out of control.

Eating does not help my stress level.

Eating does not help my emotions.

Eating does not make my problems go away.

****I will reread this list next time I am feeling under pressure. I don't need to do "this" every time the going gets tough.

Hanging in there,
J