Okay! Well, first things first.
I weighed in today at 190. Some may say: "Good job. You didn't gain on vacation."
But...it's been two weeks b/c I missed last week. And, here's the deal. I was SO VERY good. Let me tell you! I walked and RAN people! On the hot beaches of Daytona! for 2.5 miles---five days while I was there. I also did squats and sit ups!!! I also ate lots of fruit and grilled stuff! I never ate snacks! I drank lots of water. I was expecting some loss! (Confession--I did cheat a bit the 2-3 days prior to us leaving-stress induced, I'm sure---maybe I gained weight and lost it, who knows?) Anyway, I was expecting a bit more.
However, I will not be discouraged. I have exercised this morning already. I have had a yogurt with cantaloupe, strawberries, and blueberries. AND...big step for me--I am getting up my nerve to post a "before" picture of me. Maybe this afternoon or tomorrow. My nephews are coming to stay with me today...so I've been cooking (they are teenagers that eat and eat and eat).They want to play on the lake for a day or two. It will be another busy two days. But, I'm trying to do this blog the "right way" and I think that pictures will help me stay accountable. I've missed blogging with you all.
My beach trip was wonderful. My MIL was not overly horrible. She was tolerable which was nice. I was able to prance around in my bathing suit with an "I don't care what you think" mentality and play with my kids and husband. We had great weather, beautiful blue water (I didn't remember Daytona had that), and huge waves. Everyone had a blast. Thanks for the warm wishes for me!
Now, I'm going to check on every one's blogs to catch up on you! :)
Good to be home. J
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Wish Me Luck, I'm Gonna Need It!
We are leaving in the wee hours of the morning for the beach (so the little ones will sleep along the way--hopefully!). Anyway, we are going for SEVEN days with my in-laws. I really do love them all, but you all know about my MIL. I am hoping that my self-esteem can take an entire week of her fat comments...especially with me in a swim suit. So, I would appreciate all prayers, well-wishes, warm and happy thoughts sent my way...
I was reading People Magazine yesterday (I know, high-brow literature, right?). It did wonders for my self-esteem. The main feature is "50 Most Amazing Bodies"...well, I had to read these fabulous body secrets. One slim star said..."I have a diet secret: It's called control." Now, at first I thought the little young thing was being sassy. But, you know what, she's right. Self-control: eating and activity. I control both of those things in my life (most of the time...yesterday's doctor's visit felt like they controlled my activity for a LONG time--but I digress). Even though, I will never look like the girl in the magazine (it's way too late for that--not being negative, it's reality people), I can feel in control of ME. I will control my eating and I will control my exercise (I mean by actually doing it).
I am also going to TRY to control my thoughts. This one is the most difficult for me, I think. I am so, terribly hard on myself. I remember weighing 125 pounds (my lowest adult weight since college...I'm about 5'7" maybe a little more). I was THIN, friends. But you know what! I still complained about my thighs. Ridiculous I tell you. Oh, how I wish I could talk to my 25 year old self. And...I remember feeling so fat at 160...I mean I felt really bad about me. What I wouldn't give to see that number on the scale again! It's all relative, isn't it! I'm going to try to find nice things about me instead of looking for all the flaws.
On another note...
I hope you all have a Happy Father's Day weekend.
5 things I love about my husband as a father:
1. My kids run to door EVERY night when he gets home from work. :)
2. He plays "tea party" with my little girls even though I'm sure he'd rather do 100 other things.
3. He takes time to talk to them on the phone during the day even though I know he is SO busy at work.
4. He takes them on Daddy Date Nights so mommy can keep her sanity.
5. My kids know he loves them and will always be there for them.
I am really blessed to have such a wonderful husband, and I have a great father, too. I hope you are blessed as well.
I'll be MIA for a week. I hope you don't forget about me! Keep shedding the pounds!
:)
J
I was reading People Magazine yesterday (I know, high-brow literature, right?). It did wonders for my self-esteem. The main feature is "50 Most Amazing Bodies"...well, I had to read these fabulous body secrets. One slim star said..."I have a diet secret: It's called control." Now, at first I thought the little young thing was being sassy. But, you know what, she's right. Self-control: eating and activity. I control both of those things in my life (most of the time...yesterday's doctor's visit felt like they controlled my activity for a LONG time--but I digress). Even though, I will never look like the girl in the magazine (it's way too late for that--not being negative, it's reality people), I can feel in control of ME. I will control my eating and I will control my exercise (I mean by actually doing it).
I am also going to TRY to control my thoughts. This one is the most difficult for me, I think. I am so, terribly hard on myself. I remember weighing 125 pounds (my lowest adult weight since college...I'm about 5'7" maybe a little more). I was THIN, friends. But you know what! I still complained about my thighs. Ridiculous I tell you. Oh, how I wish I could talk to my 25 year old self. And...I remember feeling so fat at 160...I mean I felt really bad about me. What I wouldn't give to see that number on the scale again! It's all relative, isn't it! I'm going to try to find nice things about me instead of looking for all the flaws.
On another note...
I hope you all have a Happy Father's Day weekend.
5 things I love about my husband as a father:
1. My kids run to door EVERY night when he gets home from work. :)
2. He plays "tea party" with my little girls even though I'm sure he'd rather do 100 other things.
3. He takes time to talk to them on the phone during the day even though I know he is SO busy at work.
4. He takes them on Daddy Date Nights so mommy can keep her sanity.
5. My kids know he loves them and will always be there for them.
I am really blessed to have such a wonderful husband, and I have a great father, too. I hope you are blessed as well.
I'll be MIA for a week. I hope you don't forget about me! Keep shedding the pounds!
:)
J
Friday, June 18, 2010
Me, Discoveries
I am learning new things about myself during this journey.
J
- I was always an "all or nothing" dieter. I thought there was no room for error. No slip ups on the diet, exercise at least one hour a day...only one day off a week. Of course, most of this was pre-babies. I've only been successful once since having them. Can you call it success when you've gained it all back? You know what I mean. I would mess up one day, it would lead to the downward spiral, then off the deep-end! Then, I would quit. This time, I'm trying to remember, I'm not perfect and that is okay. I can take small steps. I can change slowly. This is for a lifetime. Not a quick fix.
- I am reluctant to change everything. I feel guilty for making my family eat differently. They don't have problems. I do. I firmly believe I would be a healthy weight if I ate normal portions and exercised...and DID NOT sneak food like chocolate, chips, cookies in between meals! Oh, my! I think I am a food-aholic!
- I like knowing what to buy at the store. New recipes scare me. First, I have to find the stuff. Second, I have to have it all written down. Third, what if we don't like it. What a waste of money. With a hubby and 2 little kids to feed, I like them saying, "Mom is the bestest cook ever!"
- I make excuses. I don't like this about myself. Vacations, sick kids, etc. Today, my oldest child woke up sick. Doctor visits (why does it always take forever??) and pharmacy visits---I feel like my day is almost over. I find myself making excuses as to why I can't exercise. Don't worry. I'm going for a run (thanks for the inspiration Barbara).
- I like to eat. I feel like I missing something when I don't get to eat what everyone else is. Like life isn't fair! Isn't this the silliest thing you have ever heard?
- I want results, and I want them now! That sounds funny coming from me in light of what I've just written above! I want to be skinny, but....I make excuses, eat a lot, etc. etc. etc. Come on, self.
Get with the program. Weight Loss=Wait Loss - I need to believe in me.
J
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Home, Sweet, Home
Well,
I'm home. It was a nice, quick get away. I won some battles, I lost some battles...I did great on most meals, but I did eat one FRIED shrimp meal and one ice cream cone. I walked a lot though. Maybe, it won't hurt me too bad! I tried not to be too miserable next to my gorgeous sister on the beach!
Have I mentioned that I have two younger, beautiful, thin sisters? One of them is tall, model beautiful, and very thin, with long flowing dark hair....the other is also thin and looks a lot like me...just the improved version--just downright pretty and sweet! I know I sound like I'm fishing for compliments out of comparison to my sisters. I'm not. We are all best friends, all have unique gifts, and we are all blessed. I'm not jealous of them at all (well, maybe a little of their thighs). But I love them dearly!
I definitely suffer from some rare disorder of comparing myself to every woman that walks by me. I realized this on the beach. I don't do it in a mean way. It is more in a way..."Am I measuring up?" I would think, I want hair like her, I want a tummy like her, I want thighs like her.... I need help, I know. (I saw a super skinny/toned woman who had just had twins come out with her stroller on the beach....I was thinking...WHAT?????) I'm working on my confidence. I am working on ME, every aspect of me. Insecurity eats away at me at times. (I know it's not pretty!)
I wanted to answer some questions that were posted about my last post.
1. My mother in law is very petite. She is only 5'2" ish and maybe 100 pounds give or take 5 depending on the day. She loves to tell everyone her weight.
2. My husband does stand up to her frequently. I'm not sure if she doesn't hear him, believe him, or care. But, he's a good guy. I am very blessed to have him. He would tell you the same about me. We know God has taken care of us. He is cancer survivor, and we know all about teamwork. He's totally on my team and always has my back. No worries there. Thanks for your concern though.
I really missed reading about all of you!
I'm totally back on the plan...til Sunday when we leave for another trip! :)
I'm home. It was a nice, quick get away. I won some battles, I lost some battles...I did great on most meals, but I did eat one FRIED shrimp meal and one ice cream cone. I walked a lot though. Maybe, it won't hurt me too bad! I tried not to be too miserable next to my gorgeous sister on the beach!
Have I mentioned that I have two younger, beautiful, thin sisters? One of them is tall, model beautiful, and very thin, with long flowing dark hair....the other is also thin and looks a lot like me...just the improved version--just downright pretty and sweet! I know I sound like I'm fishing for compliments out of comparison to my sisters. I'm not. We are all best friends, all have unique gifts, and we are all blessed. I'm not jealous of them at all (well, maybe a little of their thighs). But I love them dearly!
I definitely suffer from some rare disorder of comparing myself to every woman that walks by me. I realized this on the beach. I don't do it in a mean way. It is more in a way..."Am I measuring up?" I would think, I want hair like her, I want a tummy like her, I want thighs like her.... I need help, I know. (I saw a super skinny/toned woman who had just had twins come out with her stroller on the beach....I was thinking...WHAT?????) I'm working on my confidence. I am working on ME, every aspect of me. Insecurity eats away at me at times. (I know it's not pretty!)
I wanted to answer some questions that were posted about my last post.
1. My mother in law is very petite. She is only 5'2" ish and maybe 100 pounds give or take 5 depending on the day. She loves to tell everyone her weight.
2. My husband does stand up to her frequently. I'm not sure if she doesn't hear him, believe him, or care. But, he's a good guy. I am very blessed to have him. He would tell you the same about me. We know God has taken care of us. He is cancer survivor, and we know all about teamwork. He's totally on my team and always has my back. No worries there. Thanks for your concern though.
I really missed reading about all of you!
I'm totally back on the plan...til Sunday when we leave for another trip! :)
Home, Sweet, Home
Well,
I'm home. It was a nice, quick get away. I won some battles, I lost some battles...I did great on most meals, but I did eat one FRIED shrimp meal and one ice cream cone. I walked a lot though. Maybe, it won't hurt me too bad! I tried not to be too miserable next to my gorgeous sister on the beach!
Have I mentioned that I have two younger, beautiful, thin sisters? One of them is tall, model beautiful, and very thin, with long flowing dark hair....the other is also thin and looks a lot like me...just the improved version--just downright pretty and sweet! I know I sound like I'm fishing for compliments out of comparison to my sisters. I'm not. We are all best friends, all have unique gifts, and we are all blessed. I'm not jealous of them at all (well, maybe a little of their thighs). But I love them dearly!
I definitely suffer from some rare disorder of comparing myself to every woman that walks by me. I realized this on the beach. I don't do it in a mean way. It is more in a way..."Am I measuring up?" I would think, I want hair like her, I want a tummy like her, I want thighs like her.... I need help, I know. (I saw a super skinny/toned woman who had just had twins come out with her stroller on the beach....I was thinking...WHAT?????) I'm working on my confidence. I am working on ME, every aspect of me. Insecurity eats away at me at times. (I know it's not pretty!)
I wanted to answer some questions that were posted about my last post.
1. My mother in law is very petite. She is only 5'2" ish and maybe 100 pounds give or take 5 depending on the day. She loves to tell everyone her weight.
2. My husband does stand up to her frequently. I'm not sure if she doesn't hear him, believe him, or care. But, he's a good guy. I am very blessed to have him. He would tell you the same about me. We know God has taken care of us. He is cancer survivor, and we know all about teamwork. He's totally on my team and always has my back. No worries there. Thanks for your concern though.
I really missed reading about all of you!
I'm totally back on the plan...til Sunday when we leave for another trip! :)
I'm home. It was a nice, quick get away. I won some battles, I lost some battles...I did great on most meals, but I did eat one FRIED shrimp meal and one ice cream cone. I walked a lot though. Maybe, it won't hurt me too bad! I tried not to be too miserable next to my gorgeous sister on the beach!
Have I mentioned that I have two younger, beautiful, thin sisters? One of them is tall, model beautiful, and very thin, with long flowing dark hair....the other is also thin and looks a lot like me...just the improved version--just downright pretty and sweet! I know I sound like I'm fishing for compliments out of comparison to my sisters. I'm not. We are all best friends, all have unique gifts, and we are all blessed. I'm not jealous of them at all (well, maybe a little of their thighs). But I love them dearly!
I definitely suffer from some rare disorder of comparing myself to every woman that walks by me. I realized this on the beach. I don't do it in a mean way. It is more in a way..."Am I measuring up?" I would think, I want hair like her, I want a tummy like her, I want thighs like her.... I need help, I know. (I saw a super skinny/toned woman who had just had twins come out with her stroller on the beach....I was thinking...WHAT?????) I'm working on my confidence. I am working on ME, every aspect of me. Insecurity eats away at me at times. (I know it's not pretty!)
I wanted to answer some questions that were posted about my last post.
1. My mother in law is very petite. She is only 5'2" ish and maybe 100 pounds give or take 5 depending on the day. She loves to tell everyone her weight.
2. My husband does stand up to her frequently. I'm not sure if she doesn't hear him, believe him, or care. But, he's a good guy. I am very blessed to have him. He would tell you the same about me. We know God has taken care of us. He is cancer survivor, and we know all about teamwork. He's totally on my team and always has my back. No worries there. Thanks for your concern though.
I really missed reading about all of you!
I'm totally back on the plan...til Sunday when we leave for another trip! :)
Monday, June 14, 2010
A Pretty Backbone
Good weigh-in today! :) So, it was a very BUSY weekend.
On Saturday, I walked out of the bedroom and my husband says, I can tell you've lost weight. He may have been "just being nice" but it still made me feel good. I'm a bottom heavy girl. My waist is okay, my thighs...oh my word! Well, lots of work to do there! I'm going to try to run more this week and see how the scale looks. Maybe less bread too.
We played on the lake. My favorite thing--out in the boat, in my bathing suit, riding over bumpy waves (lots of jiggle)...it was fun. I really do love it all (except the bathing suit part), but living on the lake, I have no choice about the b.suit part! I kept telling myself...insecurity isn't pretty...the whole time, and tried to enjoy wakeboarding and tubing with my kids. Yes, I do all those things!
That evening, I tried to channel my friend over at Bring Pretty Back. I had to go to a 50th birthday for my dear friend. It was an outdoor party, and I knew it was going to be hot! Usually, I cover up with cardigans and too big clothes, but I decided to improve myself. I put on a black sundress (I know black doesn't sound sundress-y but it was--it had straps and showed my arms---something I haven't done for a long time.) So, I really tried to be confident in the dress. I think I did an okay job. The skirt on the dress was A line so it was very forgiving...that helped! :)
Now, on Sunday. We did our usual church routine. I had to speak in front of a large group which I usually don't do either. I teach children, but I really don't like to talk in front of adults. But I did it. Everyone said I did great...it's over, thank the Lord!
We always go out to eat after church with the in-laws...here's where I got a backbone. Hold onto your seat! You know how my MIL is always making fat comments and not just about me; oh, she got lots to say about your weight, too! When she gets on a roll about overweight people, I always want to shout, there's one sitting right here in front of you. But anyway, this really isn't about me this time. My sis-in-law is her target. Now, C (we'll call her), is about size 8, skinny legs, maybe has a little weight around the middle but not much, still wears a bikini, and isn't shy about anything. C is wearing a black/white tank dress. She finishes lunch and this went down.
MIL to C: You need to suck in, you're getting fat.
C: Mother, you are the only one who thinks I'm fat. Stop saying that! I'm tired of it.
MIL: You look better thinner.
C: I am thin. Everyone thinks I am thin. YOU are the only one who says these things to me.
C looks at me and says: J, do you think I'm right about this?
ME: I think you look great!
C: See?
ME to MIL: It's wrong of you to say that to her. She looks great. If you think she if fat, I can only imagine what you say about me behind my back! Women can be pretty in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
ME to C: You look great!
and we walk out of the place.
We all hug and get into our cars. My hubby says, well I'm proud that you finally got a backbone with her! :)
I'm glad too. I hope it doesn't weigh too much!
I'm leaving for the beach tomorrow. Wish me luck....oh, the good eats, temptation!
On Saturday, I walked out of the bedroom and my husband says, I can tell you've lost weight. He may have been "just being nice" but it still made me feel good. I'm a bottom heavy girl. My waist is okay, my thighs...oh my word! Well, lots of work to do there! I'm going to try to run more this week and see how the scale looks. Maybe less bread too.
We played on the lake. My favorite thing--out in the boat, in my bathing suit, riding over bumpy waves (lots of jiggle)...it was fun. I really do love it all (except the bathing suit part), but living on the lake, I have no choice about the b.suit part! I kept telling myself...insecurity isn't pretty...the whole time, and tried to enjoy wakeboarding and tubing with my kids. Yes, I do all those things!
That evening, I tried to channel my friend over at Bring Pretty Back. I had to go to a 50th birthday for my dear friend. It was an outdoor party, and I knew it was going to be hot! Usually, I cover up with cardigans and too big clothes, but I decided to improve myself. I put on a black sundress (I know black doesn't sound sundress-y but it was--it had straps and showed my arms---something I haven't done for a long time.) So, I really tried to be confident in the dress. I think I did an okay job. The skirt on the dress was A line so it was very forgiving...that helped! :)
Now, on Sunday. We did our usual church routine. I had to speak in front of a large group which I usually don't do either. I teach children, but I really don't like to talk in front of adults. But I did it. Everyone said I did great...it's over, thank the Lord!
We always go out to eat after church with the in-laws...here's where I got a backbone. Hold onto your seat! You know how my MIL is always making fat comments and not just about me; oh, she got lots to say about your weight, too! When she gets on a roll about overweight people, I always want to shout, there's one sitting right here in front of you. But anyway, this really isn't about me this time. My sis-in-law is her target. Now, C (we'll call her), is about size 8, skinny legs, maybe has a little weight around the middle but not much, still wears a bikini, and isn't shy about anything. C is wearing a black/white tank dress. She finishes lunch and this went down.
MIL to C: You need to suck in, you're getting fat.
C: Mother, you are the only one who thinks I'm fat. Stop saying that! I'm tired of it.
MIL: You look better thinner.
C: I am thin. Everyone thinks I am thin. YOU are the only one who says these things to me.
C looks at me and says: J, do you think I'm right about this?
ME: I think you look great!
C: See?
ME to MIL: It's wrong of you to say that to her. She looks great. If you think she if fat, I can only imagine what you say about me behind my back! Women can be pretty in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
ME to C: You look great!
and we walk out of the place.
We all hug and get into our cars. My hubby says, well I'm proud that you finally got a backbone with her! :)
I'm glad too. I hope it doesn't weigh too much!
I'm leaving for the beach tomorrow. Wish me luck....oh, the good eats, temptation!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Looking Pretty
I was reading another blog (I may have developed an addiction already) and I had an ah-ha moment. Here it is---I don't have to wait until I lose all the weight to make improvements on myself! I know!!!! Why didn't I think of this on my own? I'm one of those people...I say things like "I'll buy cute clothes when I lose weight, I'll get those shoes when they look good on my skinny legs", and on and on...
I swear, I wouldn't even buy a white watch the other day b/c I thought it would draw attention to me...in my head I thought, those are a trend, trends are for people who are cute, I'm fat not cute...are you following me?
About 5 years ago, I would only wear bra and panties that matched--yes, every day! Not the kind you see on models or anything like that, but they matched...ALWAYS. It just made me feel better. It was like I had a little secret. I was only about 15 pounds thinner then than I am now. I even lectured my girlfriends at church about this...don't wear ugly underwear, don't let yourself go, yadda yadda yadda. I was dead serious about it, too. Oh, how they laughed at me. Just wait, they said.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME????
I have let myself go.
Now before you think really bad of me, my undergarments are still okay to look at, but I don't match. I don't look pretty anymore under my clothes. I don't care anymore because I feel bad about myself. So after reading the other hilarious blog ( I might add), I'm going to make improvements on me WHILE I am losing weight. If you're waiting, I want you to make some improvement now, too! We'll feel better, I think. How about them apples?
I swear, I wouldn't even buy a white watch the other day b/c I thought it would draw attention to me...in my head I thought, those are a trend, trends are for people who are cute, I'm fat not cute...are you following me?
About 5 years ago, I would only wear bra and panties that matched--yes, every day! Not the kind you see on models or anything like that, but they matched...ALWAYS. It just made me feel better. It was like I had a little secret. I was only about 15 pounds thinner then than I am now. I even lectured my girlfriends at church about this...don't wear ugly underwear, don't let yourself go, yadda yadda yadda. I was dead serious about it, too. Oh, how they laughed at me. Just wait, they said.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME????
I have let myself go.
Now before you think really bad of me, my undergarments are still okay to look at, but I don't match. I don't look pretty anymore under my clothes. I don't care anymore because I feel bad about myself. So after reading the other hilarious blog ( I might add), I'm going to make improvements on me WHILE I am losing weight. If you're waiting, I want you to make some improvement now, too! We'll feel better, I think. How about them apples?
Guess what...
I weighed...it was on an accident, I couldn't help it! But...it was good news. 191! I'm not going to post it over there on the side yet. I think I'm going to have Monday weigh-ins to help me stay accountable on week-ends...any advice there fellow bloggers???
And...guess what else! I did LEVEL 2 on the 30 Day Shred. Oh, my goodness! I'm not sure I was ready for that. Wow...
And...guess what else! I did LEVEL 2 on the 30 Day Shred. Oh, my goodness! I'm not sure I was ready for that. Wow...
- Walk out push ups
- Plank jumping jacks
- Plank ab work
- something else plank
I'm all planked out! My arms may fall off! But, no one can accuse me of half-way doing it today! I am also going swimming today with my lovely children. I may need a life vest since my arms don't work. Speaking of lovely children, they ate Cheeze-Its today while I worked out, but they cheered for me (Go, Mama, Go!) and even tried to do a few moves with me...how sweet! :)
Also, I only had one Diet Coke yesterday...yeah, me! Does coffee count as a bad thing (with Splenda)?
I don't really have a "diet plan" yet. I've really been just "watchin what I'm eatin"...any advice there as well??? I'd like to lose it fast, but I've done that before and gained it back. You people have the experience I need...tell me what to do!
I am so thankful for my new blog friends, it makes me feel good! Thanks!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Exercise and a few thoughts...
First and foremost, thanks for all of the comments! I never knew how much it would mean to have so many friends cheering me on! I am loving this already and feel so much support! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Many people commented on the blog and privately to my email about my MIL's comments...several said at least she thinks I'm pretty. And, I am grateful for that...it is just why can't you be overweight and pretty? Why can't I just BE ME? Anyway, I'm not feeling near as bitter toward her today! :) Today, my target is exercise!
I've been doing The 30-Day Shred, and I do like it. I mix it up a little with the treadmill and swimming. Here are a few of my thoughts on exercising. Let me know what you think!
1. I really don't like to sweat. I also don't like to change my clothes (into the workout bra, shoes, etc.)
2. Are the jumping jacks difficult for anyone else who has had kids?????
3. I hurt. I mean HURT! Is because of the fat pressing down on my poor knees/ankles/feet or am I just getting old???? Oh, and my poor arms...they scream at me.
4. Lunges. Love 'em/Hate 'em. Need I say more? (Did I hear an amen?)
5. I really did want to hit Jillian when she said she wants abs like that other girl! I mean, really!
6. My kids annoyed me when they were eating Cheetos while I was working out!
7. I jiggle a lot! :)
8. How many times do you have to do the 30-Day Shred to lose 50 pounds? I am certain it is going to take more than 30 days!
Even though it is not so much fun while I am doing it, it does give me a feeling of accomplishment. I do feel better, and I feel like it helps me stay on track with my eating. I don't want to waste the workout with a calorie overload!
I hope all of you are doing well today! I hope the fat is melting off!
Thanks again for the encouragement! J
Many people commented on the blog and privately to my email about my MIL's comments...several said at least she thinks I'm pretty. And, I am grateful for that...it is just why can't you be overweight and pretty? Why can't I just BE ME? Anyway, I'm not feeling near as bitter toward her today! :) Today, my target is exercise!
I've been doing The 30-Day Shred, and I do like it. I mix it up a little with the treadmill and swimming. Here are a few of my thoughts on exercising. Let me know what you think!
1. I really don't like to sweat. I also don't like to change my clothes (into the workout bra, shoes, etc.)
2. Are the jumping jacks difficult for anyone else who has had kids?????
3. I hurt. I mean HURT! Is because of the fat pressing down on my poor knees/ankles/feet or am I just getting old???? Oh, and my poor arms...they scream at me.
4. Lunges. Love 'em/Hate 'em. Need I say more? (Did I hear an amen?)
5. I really did want to hit Jillian when she said she wants abs like that other girl! I mean, really!
6. My kids annoyed me when they were eating Cheetos while I was working out!
7. I jiggle a lot! :)
8. How many times do you have to do the 30-Day Shred to lose 50 pounds? I am certain it is going to take more than 30 days!
Even though it is not so much fun while I am doing it, it does give me a feeling of accomplishment. I do feel better, and I feel like it helps me stay on track with my eating. I don't want to waste the workout with a calorie overload!
I hope all of you are doing well today! I hope the fat is melting off!
Thanks again for the encouragement! J
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I think I like it...
Okay...so I think I finally like my blog. I've had a busy day. My kids spent the night with my in-laws. I have done many loads of laundry, cleaned house, and spent too many minutes on this laptop! I did treat myself to a pedicure though! Yippee! My toes look good, I've exercised, I've got a blog, and now the real weight loss begins, right? I've even had 3 comments...thanks you guys!
I read So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore which was really insightful and hit me right between the eyes to tell you the truth. Then, I read another blog (My New Ending) and this incredible woman wrote a beautiful letter to herself. I mean...it was like a letter to myself! I am ready to do this (lose the weight). Not like before, where I lose the weight and gain it, lose/gain, lose/gain...I want to lose it and keep it off --FOREVER! I deserve this!
My insecurity is HUGE. A hurdle. I can't even put my picture on the blog. I am terrified that someone will see it on this blog and know that this is ME. They will see my private feelings, my WEIGHT, etc, etc, etc...do any of you feel this way??? I am scared. Scared people will know. Scared I will fail. Scared. Scared. Scared.
I have little girls. Little girls I want to be secure and proud. I want them to love themselves. Feel confident. Not worry about what others are thinking of them. I don't want their feelings about themselves to depend on the scale. Mine do. Please know...I have a good life. I have a wonderful husband (one who just called a second ago to tell me he loved me, told me to leave the makeup off, leave my hair curly, and plan for a "romantic night"). I'm a lucky girl! These feelings are all mine.
Well...I've had help along the way feeling "less than"...I guess we all have. Most recently, my mother-in-law felt the need to help me. She told me I am too pretty to be overweight. Too funny! But not really. Hurtful, is what it was. She weighs 105 on her heavy days. Her comments are always aimed at me. I'm not sure why. I am a good wife, daughter in law, mother for her grandchildren, etc. I've never asked her to pay for my groceries, exercise programs, etc. WHY DOES SHE CARE WHAT I WEIGH? So far, my doctor says I am healthy. She doesn't get in the bed with me. She doesn't see me naked. I am not hurting her. What does she care????
Anyway, enough griping. Sorry...
I have goals for tomorrow.
I read So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore which was really insightful and hit me right between the eyes to tell you the truth. Then, I read another blog (My New Ending) and this incredible woman wrote a beautiful letter to herself. I mean...it was like a letter to myself! I am ready to do this (lose the weight). Not like before, where I lose the weight and gain it, lose/gain, lose/gain...I want to lose it and keep it off --FOREVER! I deserve this!
My insecurity is HUGE. A hurdle. I can't even put my picture on the blog. I am terrified that someone will see it on this blog and know that this is ME. They will see my private feelings, my WEIGHT, etc, etc, etc...do any of you feel this way??? I am scared. Scared people will know. Scared I will fail. Scared. Scared. Scared.
I have little girls. Little girls I want to be secure and proud. I want them to love themselves. Feel confident. Not worry about what others are thinking of them. I don't want their feelings about themselves to depend on the scale. Mine do. Please know...I have a good life. I have a wonderful husband (one who just called a second ago to tell me he loved me, told me to leave the makeup off, leave my hair curly, and plan for a "romantic night"). I'm a lucky girl! These feelings are all mine.
Well...I've had help along the way feeling "less than"...I guess we all have. Most recently, my mother-in-law felt the need to help me. She told me I am too pretty to be overweight. Too funny! But not really. Hurtful, is what it was. She weighs 105 on her heavy days. Her comments are always aimed at me. I'm not sure why. I am a good wife, daughter in law, mother for her grandchildren, etc. I've never asked her to pay for my groceries, exercise programs, etc. WHY DOES SHE CARE WHAT I WEIGH? So far, my doctor says I am healthy. She doesn't get in the bed with me. She doesn't see me naked. I am not hurting her. What does she care????
Anyway, enough griping. Sorry...
I have goals for tomorrow.
- Exercise for at least 30 minutes (45 would be great)
- Drink 64 ounces of water
- Only drink 1 diet Coke
- Blog (hopefully get some comments and new friends)
- Read my new devotion book and share something insightful with you
Oh, I almost forgot! I discovered FlatOut Flatbread (SunDried Tomato). I made it with lettuce and tuna rolled into it. Yummy! I know it would be good with turkey too! Try it!
Blessings..and let's shrink!
Inspiration
Okay...
I've been trying to make my blog cuter. I've been reading other blogs. I've been INSPIRED! Wow, there are a lot of us out there! Now, I'm going to work on me! I'm going to exercise. See you later!
I've been trying to make my blog cuter. I've been reading other blogs. I've been INSPIRED! Wow, there are a lot of us out there! Now, I'm going to work on me! I'm going to exercise. See you later!
so sad...
I am so sad. I had a girls night out yesterday. It was so much fun...need to do more often. We went to see Sex and the City 2. Anyway...I ate okay for the most part. I was nervous b/c I had gained a lot of weight since I last saw them even though they are the kind of friends who don't care one bit. But I digress. I was on my way home around 12:30 in the morning...and stopped at McDonald's! I am so bad! Why do I cave! Trying to be extra good today! Trying not to let it destroy the good I've been doing. So sad.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Oh, well
Not sure how much weight I've lost, but I'm still proud of myself. I've been making good choices with my eating and working out regularly. I'm going to weigh once a week...no more than that. I'm worried I will become obsessed with it.
My hubby has always been "into" me. He's always been complimentary, although I'm sure he prefers me thinner. We've always had great chemistry and enjoyed sex. Last night though, I swear he was checking out his own bicep during sex!!! Oh, my! Oh, well, right? At least he has something good to look at...did I mention he's in tip-top shape?
Did you ever notice that those articles in magazines that say "find your perfect bathing suit for your shape" never have shapes of all women???? What's up with that????? Anyway....
Sunday, June 6, 2010
I've Tried...
I've tried all kinds of diets: shakes, pills, low-carb, low-fat, starvation, only fruits and veggies, etc! I haven't had surgery, but I've overexercised. Then, I have periods of EXTREME eating and no physical exercise of any kind. It's horrible-- this self-destruction, this pattern I have created for myself. I hate it. It almost like I expect it of me, I am beginning to wonder if others expect it of me.
I am liking my blog. It is the first one I have ever done for myself. :)
This time, it's for real...
So...I am going to lose weight again. For REAL, this time! I'm serious. I've been up and down for the past 10 years, but this time I am so mad at myself. This time last year, I was at a very ideal weight (150, about a size 8) and now...198! It is hard to type that number! I've started exercising in the last week and eating right. I did ask my doctor for diet pills---he said NO! So, I'm going to do it the hard way again. I've been doing the tread mill and Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred. I can barely walk! Hopefully, I'll be beautiful again in no time!
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