I read So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore which was really insightful and hit me right between the eyes to tell you the truth. Then, I read another blog (My New Ending) and this incredible woman wrote a beautiful letter to herself. I mean...it was like a letter to myself! I am ready to do this (lose the weight). Not like before, where I lose the weight and gain it, lose/gain, lose/gain...I want to lose it and keep it off --FOREVER! I deserve this!
My insecurity is HUGE. A hurdle. I can't even put my picture on the blog. I am terrified that someone will see it on this blog and know that this is ME. They will see my private feelings, my WEIGHT, etc, etc, etc...do any of you feel this way??? I am scared. Scared people will know. Scared I will fail. Scared. Scared. Scared.
I have little girls. Little girls I want to be secure and proud. I want them to love themselves. Feel confident. Not worry about what others are thinking of them. I don't want their feelings about themselves to depend on the scale. Mine do. Please know...I have a good life. I have a wonderful husband (one who just called a second ago to tell me he loved me, told me to leave the makeup off, leave my hair curly, and plan for a "romantic night"). I'm a lucky girl! These feelings are all mine.
Well...I've had help along the way feeling "less than"...I guess we all have. Most recently, my mother-in-law felt the need to help me. She told me I am too pretty to be overweight. Too funny! But not really. Hurtful, is what it was. She weighs 105 on her heavy days. Her comments are always aimed at me. I'm not sure why. I am a good wife, daughter in law, mother for her grandchildren, etc. I've never asked her to pay for my groceries, exercise programs, etc. WHY DOES SHE CARE WHAT I WEIGH? So far, my doctor says I am healthy. She doesn't get in the bed with me. She doesn't see me naked. I am not hurting her. What does she care????
Anyway, enough griping. Sorry...
I have goals for tomorrow.
- Exercise for at least 30 minutes (45 would be great)
- Drink 64 ounces of water
- Only drink 1 diet Coke
- Blog (hopefully get some comments and new friends)
- Read my new devotion book and share something insightful with you
Oh, I almost forgot! I discovered FlatOut Flatbread (SunDried Tomato). I made it with lettuce and tuna rolled into it. Yummy! I know it would be good with turkey too! Try it!
Blessings..and let's shrink!
You can do this .... just remember to celebrate your achievements, even if they seem minor to others. A 10 minute walk is still good!
ReplyDeleteWith regard to you m-in-l, hey, sometimes people say things trying to be their version of helpful and encouraging and end up making a hash of it. Just focus on the compliment she gave you. Your beauty still stands out to her - she acknowledged it. Sometimes people just reflect back to us what we feel on the inside but don't admit ...... hence it hits us more. This self-love thing is huge for all of us who want to lose weight.
You can do this, you are worthy .... keep going! Catherine.
www.transformationaldiaries.com/blog
It's okay to be scared...acknowledge and embrace it, just don't let it be a hurdle for you (anymore).
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment on my blog. Can't wait to follow your journey.
P.S. I LOVE the Flatout wraps too!
I think it's just that we've got to stay positive, have positive thoughts and goals and keep looking towards the outcome of our journey.. I have 25 pounds that I'd like to lose, again. I am a lifetime member of weight watcher's, and have made it to my goal weight once, so I know that it can be done and I also know that I can do it! It just takes alot of disapline and patience... and perserverance... but, we can do it!!
ReplyDeleteYou are so very well worth it, I'm worth it and we all are worth it!! Oh gosh, the benefits we gain from losing the unnecessary weight are absolutely wonderful! Good luck with your journey.. I will be checking in with you here and will be following along with you on your journey..
Blessings,
~Lynn
I had my blog for about nine months before I was brave enough to tell any friends outside of 3 closest ones about it all because of what you said...I was afraid of what they would think about me and my very personal feelings I let out regarding my weight issues.
ReplyDeleteI only posted photos because I love seeing everyone else's and then people who look at my blog will see my progress. I'm also a visual person who loves pictures and never shied away from the camera no matter what I weighed.
So, we're each our own person. You take your time in this journey and do what you're comfortable with.
I'm sorry MIL's comments upset you. I guess you can be thankful she said you're pretty and not ugly? I also have thin in-laws who can not relate to my weight issues at all, but they are kind..it's more my own insecurities that bothered me for years.
I'm going to give you one hint to help you get started...it's where my journey truly began.
Learn to love yourself if you never lost another pound.
It will bring great freedom. I will pray you can do this. It took me months to reach that point. And then it was still months later before I started working on my weight.
Oops...I've said a bunch for today. Hopefully my unsolicited advice comes across with kind friendship the way I meant it. *hug*
BTW - LOVE your new blog look and thanks for the nice comments about my post! You're too sweet. :)
p.s. oh Lordy! That was one LONG comment...so sorry... *wincing*
ReplyDelete