Sneaky, Sneaky...

Here's another little secret of mine that I've chosen to reveal on here. (I have no idea why I do this to myself.)

I used to sneak food. I guess I've always done it. I'm not even sure why to be honest. When I began working at 16, I would stop and pick up food on my way home. I would eat it and throw away the garbage in the "big" trash can outside before I went in. I'm sure my parents had to notice at some point. I wasn't really overdoing it at that point, just not eating in front of others. Maybe I didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings b/c she saved a home-cooked me for me. Maybe I felt as if I'd deprived myself all day so I deserved a treat. Really, I am not sure how it all began.

This sneaky habit carried into my adult years. My family members nor my husband have ever made an issue of my weight or eating. (Now, my mother-in-law is a different story, but I'm not talking about her here.) I come from a family of eaters. WE LOVE TO EAT. My dad and I are the only ones who truly struggle with weight---curse the others. Just kidding. But, there is always a plethora of food around. Every occassion is celebrated with delicious treats...maybe a little insight into the *why* I'm overweight????

Anyway, I was sneaky with food in college, too. My roommates and I took up running. I was in great shape and a pretty normal size. Of course, back then I thought I was fat. Oh, if I could talk to my young self back then. We cooked healthy meals at home. Three of us were "normal" sized girls, one was really skinny (too skinny). We would eat very small portions. Probably out of peer pressure to be honest, but on the sly I would run by the fast-food places and eat it up in the car, dispose of the evidence before I got home...

Continued after marriage...I was in grad school. I would be out late 2 nights a week in school. On my way home from class, same thing. Drive-thru, eat, trash it...etc, etc, etc. My husband probably wondered, but never said anything (because he values his life), but I ran like 5 or 6 miles a day back then. I rarely ate in front of him...why wasn't I wasting away???? Because I was scarfing down food behind his back!

I settled down with this nasty habit as a stay-at-home mom. I wasn't out and about as much. But when I returned to work, I kinda did it again. I would swing by the fast food places for a snack. A fry. A milkshake. Nuggets. Just something small for the 3 of us to share before dinnertime. I know...don't lecture me on teaching my kids bad habits. I know. I feel guilty. Have I damaged them??? Will they struggle with food issues like me???

The good news is...I have stopped. I haven't done this one time at all this school year. On Fridays, we occassionally stop and get THE GIRLS a milkshake...not me. But that is it. We have a new rule. We NEVER eat in the car.

I thought this would be a big temptation for me, but it's been a pretty easy change. Really. One night, we had to go meet my sister. I knew we would be on the road for awhile and out late. Instead of running through the Chick-fil-A drive-thru. We stopped, went in, and ate. 2 kid meals and a salad for mommy. Then, we went on with our night. I felt good about it. The kids have adjusted to no snacks in the car, too. They've never even asked too many questions. Maybe I didn't warp their brains too bad.

I'm relieved of this burden. Why did I do it? I really can't begin to tell you. Maybe I need a therapist, but I do know one thing...it is OVER. Thank goodness!

Did you ever keep a secret related to your weight (besides the actual number---hee hee hee)?

Hope you are having a great day!
Make a new healthy habit,

J