a name

My name is Jess. Many of you know me as J. I started this blog with the intention of being completely anonymous. However, as I've gotten to "know" you...I feel that I've been holding back a little too much.

I was reading another blog last night. The blogger said that every time she takes a big break from blogging things are not going well in her "weight" world. That is so me.

I guess I am trying to hide from you: Hide my feelings, my failures, my insecurities, my lapses, my mistakes...

but we are friends.

We help each other and support through the ups and downs, right?

So...I'm going to try to be more real...more me.

Thank you for your friendship.
J

Relapse and Restart

Well, I am getting better from my gallbladder surgery. I feel so much relief. I had been having severe backpain, nausea, and abdominal pain. Now, I am just a little sore but starting to feel like ME.

I am holding steady around 175. I really need to get back on the wagon. I am glad that I haven't gained, but it is time to get back to losing. I need to be more conscious of every thing I put in my mouth.

Here's one BIG failure... For some crazy reason, I started drinking Diet Coke again. When I was so nauseous, water just didn't sit well with me. I tried a DC. It was so good...down the slippery slope I went! Yesterday, I realized that was all I had to drink all day long.

I knew that I couldn't handle that drink in moderation. I told my husband: DO NOT BUY ME ANYMORE.
I have kicked the habit before, and I can do it again.

It has only been a week since my surgery, but I feel like I could start walking again this week.

Hopefully, I will be a few pounds down by the end of the week. Wish me luck.
J

Gallbladder Gone

So...not sure if remember but awhile back I thought I might be having some gallbladder issues. Well, last weekend I got really sick---again! I went to the doctor on Monday, ultrasound on Tuesday, met with surgeon on Thursday....gallbladder removed on Friday! Speedy, I know!

I am doing great though. Just really sore! At home and recovering...

Talk to you soon,
J

Good Eating=Good Feeling

So...I can honestly say I've been back on the TRUE bandwagon since Saturday. Staying under 29 points, yadda, yadda, yadda. You know the drill: eating well, exercising, drinking water. What we all know we should do but sometimes some of us (ME!) make it seem so hard to do!

It really is amazing how much better I feel and how quickly I could tell.

I hesitate to use the word "clean" b/c I am not eating a "clean" diet like you read about...but I am clean from fast food, fried food, greasy / unhealthy foods...foods that I think taste so good in the moment but make me feel like, well, crap. Sorry, but true.

After two days, my tummy was slightly flatter. After 3 days, I just felt overall better. Slept better. Less bloaty. And...more in control. Do I have cravings for chocolate? yes. Especially today (TOM) but I've resisted. See---back in control.

We have been so busy the past two weeks. We were eating out more often than we should have, I was tired and cutting corners in the kitchen, and when my husband went out of town...well, let's just say Pizza Hut was called to the house. Sad, but true. Me and stress and busyness don't get along. I put the food bandaids on! I've got to stop that!

I'm so glad I didn't quit and gain it ALL back. The old me would have. I am mad enough about having to lose this five pounds over again! UGH. Why do I do that?

Well, I'm eating the right things and feeling good now. Hope you are too.
J

Eye See Me

Okay, so you know I've been working on learning to like things about me.

#1 was my hands

This installment brings you my eyes...

weirdo picture, I know! But, I was trying for a close up.

This photo is without makeup. I've always received compliments on my eyes. My eyes are kinda big, but I don't think in a bad way. I have really thick lashes on top--great for mascara. I really like mascara! My eyes are green. No one else in my family has eyes the same color. Lots of blue eyed folks around me. I once wished with all my might to have blue eyes like my sister. My oldest child has inherited my eyes, and I love that. So, why don't I love it on me? Well, I think I may be close.

My eyes let me soak in my loved ones. I have two of the most beautiful children (I'm biased, I know). I could look at them for HOURS. I love to see them laugh, play, and oh...I love to watch them sleep. Isn't it wonderful! I love to look at my handsome husband...he's still makes my heart flutter.

I think my eyes let me show my sincerity. You can truly see my true heart through my eyes. My eyes will tell you how I am feeling.

So...there you have it...my second thing I'm liking about me today...

SEE you later,
J

Friend Makin' Mondays: Are You A Bookworm?

I'm linking up with Kenz over at All the Weigh for Friend Makin' Mondays. Her question this week is "Are you a bookworm? The idea is to link with her blog so you can meet new bloggers and find out the interesting things about each other. Feel free to join in.

Friend Makin' Mondays: Are You A Bookworm?

1) How often do you read? Always! Mostly when my girls' are asleep or we are traveling in the car. Of course, I have to do it when my family is otherwise occupied. I love to read on the beach, on the dock, in the boat, in the bed...hmm, anywhere there is a good book! :)

2) What's the last book you read and loved? I just read Jesus is For Real, it was outstanding. I also just finished all of the Hunger Games books. My students were reading them and I wanted to see what they were all about. In my opinion, 4th is too young for those books but they were written well. I did the same thing last year with the Twilight Series...way too heavy for 4th graders.   I also just finished  'Safe Haven' by Nicholas Sparks and all of the Emily Giffin books. 

3) What book(s) are you currently reading? I am almost finished with the O'Malley series by Dee Henderson. I'm one of those people that HAS to read the ENTIRE series in ORDER!

4) Share a few of your favorite authors. My favorite book of ALL TIME is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. You must read it! I really would read almost anything if a friend recommended it to me. I have an amazing book collection (in my opinion) and I have thought about trading books online. I'm sure I've spent a small fortune.

5) What's next on your list of must-reads? I want to read Water for Elephants. I'm also debating about getting a Kindle. I'm an old-fashioned girl! I love holding a book. I love how it feels. I just LOVE reading. Does anyone have any opinions here?

Happy Reading,
J

Now it's your turn to share your answers! Don't forget to link back here so we can all see your answers too! Happy Monday!

The Monster Called Sabotage

I used to have a buddy in blogland (Jae) who always talked of "sledgehammers." She has stopped blogging but her words are still with me. She referred to the sledgehammers as the ways we sabotage ourselves. I think that may be what I am doing to myself here lately.

I know that I cannot meet my first goal of 150 by summer (one month away for me). Therefore, I'm sabotaging myself. Like...well, I can't meet that goal, I might as well really blow it!

Do any of you have this *crazy* kind of thinking?

I need to adjust my brain! I need to realize that pushing ahead will only get me closer to that goal in 4 weeks. It is okay to fall short. But eating will only cause me to have to start over!!! DUH!

I have recommitted this morning. Through quiet time and prayer, I have promised myself I will not sabotage me. I am worth the committment. I want to be just as excited about this as I was in January (hmmm...maybe I should go back and read those blog entries). I know I have the ability to do this. Emotional eating doesn't have to consume me. I can be in control.

J

***PS--I made it through yesterday without a slip up! :) Yay...maybe I'm back on the train. Wish me luck today.