50 in 6

So...I've made a lofty goal. 50 pounds in 6 months. Check out my friend 266's video presentation. She lost 100 pounds in a year. This video is SO POWERFUL. I think I can do half that, do you? I love reading 266's meals and exercise for the day. She doesn't seem to have done anything extreme. I am in awe of her. She is very open and honest about ups and downs. She has inspired me, and I needed it!

I've also been motivated to run again by Jae and Barbara. I'm trying. Sometimes I am so tired or my feet hurt. It is easy to make excuses. I am going to try and force myself to persevere.

That would be 50 pounds by Feb. 18. What do you think???  My 10 year anniversary is just before that. I would be so excited to feel good for that event. I've been really down the past 2 days. Feeling like a failure. No need for a pep talk...just a bit of a pity party for myself. But I have no excuses. I have been very good in the morning, lunch, and even snacks...it is the late afternoon that KILLS me. I make horrible choices. I know it. I need to plan for it. I love the saying...When you know better, you do better! Well, I'm going to do better.

So, I'll be back on tomorrow. I've written in down now in this blog. Now, I have to do it, right? Give me your thoughts.

Today I ate:
Breakfast: Yogurt, banana
Snack: grapes
Lunch: spinach leaves, lowfat ranch, a piece of roast beef (I eat in the cafeteria.), 1 cookie
Dinner: chicken breast, steamed carrots, whole-grain rice

Exercise
2 diet cokes and water all day
Walked/ran 3 miles this morning

Hang in there,
J

PS--welcome back to my pretty friend, Kristin!!!!!!!!!!

***Wanted to add...I will not be trying any of those diets that I wrote about in my earlier post "Peer Pressure." I reallized that I have tried and succeeded in diets before. I am changing my life here. We'll see how it goes. I don't have to be perfect. All of your advice was right on. Thanks for keeping me in line.

Peer Pressure

Can I just tell you how worn out I am!!!!  I've been back at work 3 weeks (2 with kids) and I am tired! I've worked 14 hour days this week...and still come home to being mom and wife! I know...we all do. Just venting. My feet hurt too...maybe if they weren't holding up all of this weight, it'd be better right?

Anyway...peer pressure-
I have confessed my attempt to lose weight to 4 co-workers who have been successful. Of course, they are all so happy with their results and want to share the joy! They want to bring me onto their "side." I've been tempted...let me confess. I'm struggling for sure. My brain is fighting me. It is telling me you can do this on your own. Be consistent, show moderation, and be healthy! I know what I need to do. It's just the doing it that's getting me. I have good days of eating and no exercise. Or, exercised with slip ups in eating. You know the drill.

So, let me tell you what they did to lose weight.

 Well, the two co-workers who are the most energetic and outspoken (and really trying to convince me to go their way) have lost the most weight. They go to the "Diet Doctor." Yes, I know. Diet pills, monthly weigh ins, etc. One of them even gets shots...what is in those??? They want me to join them for two reasons, I think.
1. They want me to feel as good (thin) as they do.
2. They want the referral money off their next visit! :)

Now, before you lecture me (but you can), I know these dangers and pitfalls. I was only tempted b/c it seemed like their journies were so fast. And they look so good.

The next woman has lost a lot of weight on Jenny Craig. She is almost to her goal. I don't know very much about this program except you buy their food...any opinions out there?

The last co-worker is on Weight Watchers. She's about halfway to her goal. It's about 50 bucks a month. I just don't know if I'm up for counting points and all that. Any ideas?

I really wanted to do it this time "on my own"....eating right and exercising. I keep telling myself- Just Do It. Get Your Mind Right. I'm letting things get in my way. (Like the opposite peer pressure to eat Brownies with my grade level at our meeting...it's like they can't eat without me). Excuses, I realize this.

Trying,
J

I'll shop when I lose weight...

Have you ever said those words? I know I have many times!!! Or, I'll say- I will get one pair of black pants and wear the mess out of them for a month while I lose weight. Then, I will come back and buy smaller sizes.

I do this because I don't want to have a million size 14s in my closet. You know what, I said that last year...still wearing a 14! Why doI put things off? Good and Bad.

I am trying to live in the moment and look good in that moment. I was looking at some recent pictures of me (I was cleaning out the guest bedroom, and I had hidden these pictures in a drawer!). I am always in black or in clothes that "hide" me. Do you know what I mean?

I'm trying to convince myself there are good things about me. I don't have to hide. My curves are not all bad. Just because I am not exactly where I want to be right now, I can look good now AND later. I've bought new clothes for the new school year. New colors, new dresses, new looks. I have gotten so many compliments. I think the red dress I wore to that wedding did it for me--I definitely wasn't hiding in it! It was "out of my comfort zone." But you know what, it felt good. People are noticing a difference in me. Even though I am changing, I want to feel good now while the change is happening. I am trying to learn what looks best on me and work that to my advantage.

Now, don't get me wrong. I still agonize over the "does this make me look fatter?" or "should I wear this?" almost every morning. But, I'm trying to get better. Aren't we all!

Take care and good night.
J

Choo Choo

I feel like I got the train a-moving this morning. I was up at 4:45 (meant to get up at 4:30 but just couldn't). I ran/walked for 45 minutes. It felt so good to get that out of the way, and it was a GREAT stress reliever. I think it also helped me stay on track with my eating today, too. I didn't want to waste the workout so I ate well ALL DAY LONG! I was really hungry before dinner but made do with some wheat thins and slices of tomato with a glass of water.

It is 104 here in the afternoons! So hot! It is really too hot to eat very much around lunch anyway!

My stress level has taken a turn up. My sis is going through a really nasty divorce. (Jae, you would relate...although, she's getting out a lot earlier than you.) It is hard on the whole family. She kept secrets from us for so long. We had no idea the nightmare she was living. They had their first courtdate last week. They have one child. The judge pretty much read him the riot act and told him to get counseling and grow up! However, he thinks he knows everything and doesn't listen to one thing. He left some threatening messages and emails for my sis...she doesn't take it seriously. Maybe I watch too much 20/20, but it just scares the heck out of me. This is the first divorce in our family. We really don't know how to guide her. I'm trying to realize it is not MY divorce. I'm trying to tell myself to just listen and pray for her. It's so hard. I'm the big sister, she's the baby...there's one in the middle. Anyway...

Sorry for the downer...just venting

Have a great day. Wish me luck in the morning!
J

Weekend Rejuvenation

Well, I rested up over the weekend and worked out. I'm back on the trail again! My plan is to get up early in the morning and exercise BEFORE work. That way, I won't feel so tired in the evening and put off my workouts. I've just got to do this. I was up at my parents' home this weekend and saw "skinny" pictures of myself. Now, I've never been skinny, but they are skinny compared to me know! I remembered how healthy and good I felt. Self-confident. I want that back!

Have a good evening!
J

De-Hate

So, I was in the front office making copies and a co-worker walked by and complimented my dress. Of course I said thank you. She asked if it was new. I said yes. Then, I made a bad joke about myself and needing clothes b/c my other ones don't fit my fat self. (Bad to beat up self, I know.) Anyway, she said, "I know! I HATE MYSELF. I AM SO FAT!"

So, I invited her to join me on my De-Hate Myself journey. I love my life, family, etc...but I really don't like my body anymore. I'm working on self-acceptance (complete acceptance). She said sure. Now I have an accountability partner at work. Yeah!

I have been so good for 3 days but no exercise...just good eating. I'm too tired to work out. Working is hard! :)

Don't hate.
J

First Day...

Today was my first day of school. It went really well...as a parent and a teacher. My girls are very happy with their teachers and my class seems pretty good (talkative but good). I only have one little rascal who will keep me on my toes for sure.

I did really well on my eating today and felt so good about it! Victory for me after last week. I didn't exercise today, but I am so tired and my feet HURT! We have a professional dress code (private school) and I stood in heels all.day.long!!!!!

I hope you guys are doing well.

I'm sure you may have noticed I have missed 2 weigh-ins (last Monday and today)...I am just too scared. I will tackle that next week.

Talk to you soon.
J